just friends.

have you ever felt like there was something in your life that just wasnt right? something that had to be changed because you wake up in the morning with the sickening feeling that something is wrong? i have.

i always thought that when i wanted something, all i had to do was work hard to get it. I never really gave much thought to what i would do once i finally had it. i was so careful not to make the situation a big deal, and now it is and i'm sorry if i cant handle that. i know alot of you are thinking, what the hell is she talking about? and i'm sorry, no explanations here, just me ranting away. i was never really good at multitasking which is probably why my grades suck haha but really, its more of the fact that when something is going on, i like to pay attention to it and give it at least the majority of my attention... i just cant do that anymore. i wish there was something else i could do but i cant seem to think of anything. i was fine with balancing everything in my life then the pressure came. the pressure to be something more, to be perfect or greater than i thought. i think i've hit breaking point but no one really seems to get that. the worst part of it all is it isnt even your fault that i feel this way. i can sit here and pretend that its just us, and no pressure and all those things that would make my life that much simpler but the damage is done and i dont think you want to hear the solution.

so now i've found something wrong with my life, and i see ONE solution and i cant seem to get past it. it works for me and i'm too scared to ask, will it work for you? thats what i wished for. (not that you'll see this anyway.)

-- Mart.