i havent been myself lately. i dont know why but its just been that way.
Have you ever felt like you were walking around and just not mentally being there?
Have you ever felt like you didn't fit? like there's something that just isn't right about the situation you're in? Have you ever tried to describe how you feel and all you could say was :|?
i have.
tonight especially.
i'm writing from a very unsafe, unstable state. I have a feeling i'm gonna regret this tomorrow. Regret posting my feelings on the internet. Regret feeling this bad at all.
all i learned from tonight is that summer is summer and its not meant to last all year round. Sometimes people say, it feels like summer again, cause they're so happy. well, i havent been happy for awhile.
the thing about this is that i can hear your voice in my head. laughing at me for feeling like this. you've never felt like this. to tell you the truth, i was happy when all your friends were fighting with you. i hoped maybe you'd be a nicer person after that. i guess not. you're a real B***h to me and i cant stand it. i used to think that it was just your brother that bugged me but you treat me like crap and i'm over it. i'm over you as a person. you only think about yourself and personally, i hope you see this. not because you hurt me but because its the truth. I can ALMOST tell when you're gonna make fun of me. i dont care anymore seriously, who are you to talk to me THAT WAY. this is really it. i'm not letting you walk all over me. as of now, we're not friends. too bad i'm related to you. People are allowed to feel, and be excited about stuff and want to have fun cause they planned to. you always have to mess it up if that person is me. screw you.
sorry friends that dont get it. dont ask.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Called You Up To Tell You 'iloveyou.'
Have you ever felt embarrassed and sorry for yourself at the same time? well, i have. here's my embarrassing story for the day.
i was sitting at my table and then my phone rang. My maid picked it up and said
'Mart, Telephone!'
naturally i said 'okay :)'
went to the kitchen and my maid said
'its Edward... whos edward?'
'is this a joke?' i asked
'huh? joke? answer na!' she replied -- she said this with a kind of ignorance because she said it in ilonggo so i understood that i had confused the poor girl
so i picked up the phone with hopes that this was some sick joke.
'hello?'
'Mart? hello?' Edward said on the other side of the phone. His voice was strangely calm and well, not as velvet-ey as i thought it would be
'yeah, this is mart... wait, who is this?'
'uhm, its Edward.' he said, sounding confused at my question
i replied the only way i knew how... i panicked.'uhm, Edward who???'
this is the embarrassing part. ignore my stupidity and try to relate, i thought i was talking to Edward Cullen afterall.
'uh, can i talk to Marc(to fill you in, my brother in law, that lives with me, is named Marc)?' Edward said
'OHP! sorry, uh, one minute' i was laughing so hard i think i scared him.
turns out, the only reason Mr. Edward had a super smooth almost velvet-ey voice is, hes my brother in law's friend who works at a call center.
i was floored at the thought that someone named Edward was even calling me :| oh well, i guess i can only dream right? next time this Edward calls i wont be fooled into thinking that Mr. Cullen is more than a fictional character calling me to tell me he wants to marry me instead of Bella Swan. HAHA :)) that'll be the day. but just in case, 'yes edward, i will marry you' would be my response. (who knows, maybe he'll contact me through my blog instead, a girl can dream :))
i was sitting at my table and then my phone rang. My maid picked it up and said
'Mart, Telephone!'
naturally i said 'okay :)'
went to the kitchen and my maid said
'its Edward... whos edward?'
'is this a joke?' i asked
'huh? joke? answer na!' she replied -- she said this with a kind of ignorance because she said it in ilonggo so i understood that i had confused the poor girl
so i picked up the phone with hopes that this was some sick joke.
'hello?'
'Mart? hello?' Edward said on the other side of the phone. His voice was strangely calm and well, not as velvet-ey as i thought it would be
'yeah, this is mart... wait, who is this?'
'uhm, its Edward.' he said, sounding confused at my question
i replied the only way i knew how... i panicked.'uhm, Edward who???'
this is the embarrassing part. ignore my stupidity and try to relate, i thought i was talking to Edward Cullen afterall.
'uh, can i talk to Marc(to fill you in, my brother in law, that lives with me, is named Marc)?' Edward said
'OHP! sorry, uh, one minute' i was laughing so hard i think i scared him.
turns out, the only reason Mr. Edward had a super smooth almost velvet-ey voice is, hes my brother in law's friend who works at a call center.
i was floored at the thought that someone named Edward was even calling me :| oh well, i guess i can only dream right? next time this Edward calls i wont be fooled into thinking that Mr. Cullen is more than a fictional character calling me to tell me he wants to marry me instead of Bella Swan. HAHA :)) that'll be the day. but just in case, 'yes edward, i will marry you' would be my response. (who knows, maybe he'll contact me through my blog instead, a girl can dream :))
Saturday, August 23, 2008
....
i miss bea. :( i miss my best friend. i mean, i get that she had to move to the states cause of school and i'm very proud of her. i just miss her very much.
when we were in gradeschool, we didnt have much in common. sure, we were friends and all but it was never like, yeah, thats my best friend. we did have one major thing in common, JOSH. haha :) as much as i hate to admit it, he was the one thing we really had in common -- not that we knew it at the time.
in Grade 7, Bea and i were a part of the 3 caballeros and it was so much fun :) we were inseparable. We knew everything about each other, and yet again, we - never at the same time -- liked josh ( god, we're so strange) ahah :) but it wasnt like he was the only thing we had in common anymore, it was just proof that we really were similar :) i love my memories of Grade 7 because we were all there together and it was so much fun just being a caballero.
high school is one amazingly fun blur and it went by so fast.
now its like, i miss my best friend. i've never had just one but Bea is like my constant best friend. we fight and fight -- usually about music(at least in first year) or my lack of interest in music -- and still we're so close and we're always just a call away from each other.
i was feeling really bad about something and so i went through the same situation i always go through. i sat up on my bed, got my phone and dialed her house number. it rang and then i realized, great... she isnt here. bea has been gone for a week now and its really only hitting me now, i needed my best friend today and she isnt here anymore :( i know i sound so emo but its true...
guess i just needed to share.
-- mart(crawling back into her box)
when we were in gradeschool, we didnt have much in common. sure, we were friends and all but it was never like, yeah, thats my best friend. we did have one major thing in common, JOSH. haha :) as much as i hate to admit it, he was the one thing we really had in common -- not that we knew it at the time.
in Grade 7, Bea and i were a part of the 3 caballeros and it was so much fun :) we were inseparable. We knew everything about each other, and yet again, we - never at the same time -- liked josh ( god, we're so strange) ahah :) but it wasnt like he was the only thing we had in common anymore, it was just proof that we really were similar :) i love my memories of Grade 7 because we were all there together and it was so much fun just being a caballero.
high school is one amazingly fun blur and it went by so fast.
now its like, i miss my best friend. i've never had just one but Bea is like my constant best friend. we fight and fight -- usually about music(at least in first year) or my lack of interest in music -- and still we're so close and we're always just a call away from each other.
i was feeling really bad about something and so i went through the same situation i always go through. i sat up on my bed, got my phone and dialed her house number. it rang and then i realized, great... she isnt here. bea has been gone for a week now and its really only hitting me now, i needed my best friend today and she isnt here anymore :( i know i sound so emo but its true...
guess i just needed to share.
-- mart(crawling back into her box)
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Bye :(
Bye anj! :( 8539.3 miles away:(
Miss you already Nics! :(( 6976.8 miles away :(
i'm gonna miss you guys so much :( i cant believe you're really leaving. its kind of unreal.
i used to think that its normal, people leave but when they actually do its like, WOAH where did they go?? i know it sounds kind of dumb but nothing really prepares you for that moment where they're not just a phone call away. ILOVEYOUGUYSTODEATH!
have fun in San Francisco(nics, where are you studying again???) , UPenn and Emory(even if there is a war). and dont forget to write :)
-- Mart
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Stress.
all of a sudden things started getting weird. i dont know how we got to this point. you used to talk to me like i mattered to you, and you say i do, now i just wish you did. i'm starting to think you're trying to get back at me for making things change but i really dont care. this is the last time i'm going to feel bad about the way you talk to me. welcome to goodbye.
grr, i have so much to do today
1. memorize talumpati for SIAT's class
2. write my life story in 1700 words for COMSKI :P bleh.
3. finish breaking dawn -- okay, not soo stressful but i have to know what happens next!
4. ordev, need i say more?
5. get back into the groove... now that you're gone, i can be myself again :)
-- Mart
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