Tuesday, November 25, 2008

back again.

i havent been blogging cause i feel like the things going on in my life have become a little more private than i expected, so i've been writing in my diary more often. what makes today different you might ask? well, i dont care if the world knows this. i dont care if YOU know this. I think maybe its just right for me to put it out there and pray to god you realize the consequences of your actions and own up.

You, yes you. Not you, HER. what have you done to one of my best friends? 
Remember her? No? well, let me refresh your memory.
shes about, a head shorter than me, fun, peppy, energetic, full of life, and best of all, she's that person you can count on to put her friends first(sorry for the faulty parallelism, but feelings aren't something you really edit.). yeah, remember her yet? no? well, she's the type of person everyone loves to have around, she's that person that catches your eye during one of her performances... what am i talking about? she WAS all those things. 

this particular person i'm talking about, you probably already know who she is, she was the type of person you dont expect to lose in college. she was the type to make sure she saw you at least once a month. she WAS that person that stays with you till the end of... well, everything.
what have you done to her?

you think you can just walk in and out of my life as you please? you cant. its not fair. i mean, you talk about your ex, on your blog, when you're with us, and you complain about how he walks in and out of your life and how you dont know what he wants from you. well, i think you need to get a mirror for your apartment honey because youre doing the exact same thing. 
okay, fine, i get it. you needed space from him, and he WAS hanging out with us. but seriously, that was a SLAP in the face. how could you think that we would choose him over you? not that we were given a choice. you left, and said you needed to take time away from him, okay, we get that, but time away from US too? you couldve told us, hey when we go out tonight, can we not see ----? we wouldve understood, we wouldve done something. but no, you didnt even think to tell us that. 
i'm kinda sick of your false hope texts. all the "i'm coming out with you guys tonight"s and the "i'll be there in a bit"s. whatever. the sad part of all this is, i taught myself to stop hoping, to stop believing you. sure, they all think you'll show, they trust that eventually we'll see you, i'm sorry, i dont. the thing is, i'm not even mad. just astonished really. you've been out HOW MANY TIMES with your block, with your troupe with god knows who, but you cant seem to find the time to be with us. its really okay, i mean, when i see you its fine, but i have no time to react because when i DO see you, you're on your way out. 
remember that party, one of our high school friends had? you were there for like an hour? and said what? 2 words to me? and then you had to leave. i mean, sure there was another party you were going to but i mean, seriously woman, 2 words? 

its been awhile since i've seen you. last time was september 20. remember? that was the last time i hoped. that was it. i'm glad you're having a great time in katipunan, im happy for you, really i am. 

i just hope you realize that i did hope, i did miss seeing you, now i cant.  i cant be your safety net. i dont know you anymore, i dont know if you're the same person i remember. i just dont know anymore. i would like to get to know you, really i would, but i dont think you have time for that either.

just thought you should know.
- mart

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